Called to Serve

I got my first ever Summons for Jury Duty today. I have to admit, I was a little excited. Weird, I know. And then I realized that you're supposed to be pissed when you get jury duty, so, quick change, I was pissed. And then I realized that it was a summons from my old Home State. Now, I miss and love Home State dearly, but I have not lived there for nearly 7 years. I spent 5 years in far down south at college, and then I moved to Big City, where I've been for nearly 2 years. Why HS does not realize this, I do not know. I have not had a HS license for nearly 2 years, I have not used a HS address for nearly 7 years, and I recently sent in my voter registration change form for Big City. Does HS not believe me? Do they not pay attention? Or are they just so desparate for competent jurors that they try to recruit people who live hundreds of miles away?

Another thing that royally pissed me off about my summons, is the form you have to return saying "Yes, I'll be there the date and time that you want and I'll take my $17 for the day and hopefully never have to come back but if I do I swear I'll really, truly pay attention at trial, just please oh please dont make me head juror," or, "No, I can't come the date and time you want me but please, please let me come this date and time instead because, I swear, I really, really do want to fulfill my civic duty and make my $17," or, and you hope for one of these, you get to check a reason for why you CAN NOT be a juror. Lucky for me, there was an appropriate "I am not a resident of said state, suckers!" option. So I fill out my form, with my address for Big City, and inform them, that, no, I will not help them, and I put it in the envelope and I realize as I affix my return address label (hopefully proving to them that the fact that I have address labels for Big City address that I've lived at for 2 years means that I do not, in fact, live in HS any longer), I realize that I have to put a stamp on the envelope. Why can't the government, which takes so much frieking money from us to begin with, pay for stamps for envelopes that they MAKE us return to them? I'm sorry, but that's just bullsh!t.

Ok, rant done.

Distraught

Do you ever have one of those days when absolutely nothing seems to go your way? When everywhere you turn, something seems to be going wrong? When the little things seem like the biggest deal in the world, and you feel completely helpless? When there's no one around to turn to, no one to hold you or console you or just tell you that everything's going to be ok? I had one of those days this past weekend.

I don't know why, I don't know what started it, and I don't know why everything kept compounding and making everything else seem even worse. But it was just a horrible, no good, very bad day. All day long nothing seemed to be going my way. Every person I talked to seemed to have something negative to say about me, or what I was doing. And everyone else just seemed too happy compared to me that their simply being there pissed me off. At the end of it, all I wanted was to be by myself. So I told everyone to go to dinner without me, said I wasn't hungry, hoped for some time alone.

And they left. And I was alone, like I thought I wanted. I went to take a shower, hoping that would make me feel better. Freshen up, start the night clean and happy. But I walked to the camper to get my stuff to take a shower, and half way there, I broke down. I started crying. I have absolutely, positively, NO IDEA why I started crying. But I did. Big time. Like, had to run the rest of the way to the camper so no one would see what a mess I was kind of crying. Sitting on the bed gasping for air kind of crying. My friend's dog was in the camper, and I think he sensed that something was wrong, because he got up and came to me and just watched me. Normally when people come into the trailer, he barely lifts his head off the bed.

By the time I composed myself, I don't know how much later, people were starting to get back from dinner. I stealthily snuck into the shower so no one would have to see my red puffy eyes and start asking questions. There's nothing I hate more than trying to explain something that has absolutely no reasonable explanation. Why was I crying? Why were all these little things getting to me? Why did I want so badly to be alone, but at the same time, feel like all I needed in the entire world to make me feel better was a simple hug? For someone to tell me that I'm not alone, that I can do it, that I can get past whatever it is that's wrong. Sometimes it's hard to admit that you need someone to be there for you. But I do. I need someone.

My biggest fear

I'm afraid of elevators. No, not afraid. Petrified. I hate them with every ounce of my being. I work on the 4th floor of my building, yet I can not walk up the stairs to my office, because they are emergency stairs and the doors at each floor are locked. So every morning, I wait in the lobby until some unsuspecting, normal person who is NOT afraid of elevators, comes in, and I ride up with someone else. I CAN, however, walk down the stairs. So at the end of every work day, you'll find me exiting my building at the bottom of the stairwell.

I found this through someone else's blog today, and it sums up pretty well why exactly I have this inane fear: http://disembedded.wordpress.com/2008/04/14/madness-trapped-in-elevator-car-30/

Hi!

I don't know what made me decide to start a blog. I'm not one to share how I feel, or what's going through my mind. I tend to keep things to myself, but I love telling stories, when I have them. Lately, I've had a lot of them.

My life is typically pretty drama free. It's easier that way, so I try to keep it like that. But I've had a lot of changes happening in my life lately, mostly for the better- or the best- but all changes will have some sort of effect on your life. And for some reason, mine have been super dramatic lately. And I don't necessarily mean dramatic in the "oh-my-god-you've-got-to-be-kidding-me" kind of way. Some of the things that have happened lately are just flat out funny. So I guess my goal with this blog is to try to tell some of them. Although I'm assuming I'll be the only person to ever read this, so it will probably wind up being a sort of personal journal for myself. So in a few years I'll probably look back at this, and hopefully laugh at myself. Because I think that being able to laugh at yourself is one of life's greatest pleasures.

So....welcome to my life.